Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
The doctor takes a quick look and responds:"It's okay, they're benign." Pirate:"Arrrrgh! Count again, I think there be ten!"
She said "Fuck you". So I'm pretty excited for 2019.
In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
I see a lot of new faces here tonight, which is disappointing.
I've been taking steps to avoid them.
He is walking on the sidewalk when a demon from hell appears. The demon says “I will give you $100,000, but you must give me your wife.” The man ponders the offer for a few seconds, then says “Okay, what’s the catch?”
Me: hindsight Professor X: that’s not going to help us Me: yes I see that now
Noah was standing on the deck.
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
then it is on the right foot
ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀
The odds were against me
That she was a little boulder.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
A boa constructor
And when the donation tin is makes it's way to the gay man, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes it's way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, "Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!". The gay man stands up and says "I did". The pastor smiles at the man and says, "This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns". The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying "I will take him, and him and him!"
A look over the shoulder.
Because its cheaper
They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, “Yes, I am.” The officer then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. The man answers, “Sure, hold on a second.” The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, “I’m sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train.” The man says, “I know, but she has a good personality.”
Ten tickles…. I’m not sorry.
It really classed up the joint.
Dad: "I think you mean May I"
Cause he has little legs!
As they're hiking a snake bites one of them in the balls Panicking the other friend ran to get help from a park ranger. He asks the ranger what to do. The ranger says you have to tie off the limb really tight to prevent the venom from circulating and suck the venom out of the bite. The guy runs back to his friend who's laying on the ground in agony. He asks what the park ranger said. "Dude you're gonna die"
He slept all through math.