Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they're good at it
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
She looked surprised.
The poster reads: "Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer." The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room. 30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter. "Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?", he asks himself. 20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store. He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well… you're a dog." The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer" on the poster, and the manager sighs. "There's no way you're bilingual." The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
Then I said "Dad, I'm over here."
Every couple -my 8yr old daughters riddle
As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers… "Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."
An Impasta (First post here)
They love anything that's 15% off Just a joke lol please don't kill me with the downvotes
Then no wonder people are so scared of clowns.
I said, "what's your angle?"
It was about time.
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
It has a nice ring to it.
I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day. RIP Rodney.
Life before that was a blur.
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
You can mess up just two letters and your whole post is urined
You drop it in water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats…
It was a brief case.
the bartender asks the guy, "What's up bud? You look rough." "Well," says the man, "I just found out my dad is gay and he's left my mom for some pool boy." "Ouch," says the bartender, "here, these are on the house today." A few days later the same guy comes in and orders another five shots. "Oh no man, what happened this time?" The bartender asks. "Just found out my brother is gay, he's left his wife for a man he met at a gay bar last week." "I'm sorry man," the bartender says, "these are on the house." Just one week later the guy comes in again and orders ten shots. The bartender asks, "Man! Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The guy responds, "Yeah…my wife."
But everyone was blown away by the leaf blower.
It was a vial substance.
By walking… JK rolling
A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub a genie appears and says to him, "I will grant you one wish, what will it be?" The man thinks then says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I get sea sick and I'm too afraid to fly over all that water. I wish there was a bridge there so I could just drive over!" The genie replies "No way! Think of how much material that'd be! How about something else?" The man thinks again and comes up with another idea. "You know, I've always wanted to know how women think. What they feel and their emotions and dislikes. I wish I could understand women!" He grins and looks at the genie expectantly. "Two or four lanes?"
At first it’s boring, but later on, it’s riveting…
So, I took it to Best Buy to get it fixed, and the woman at the counter said they can't fix hammers.
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.
Man: Can’t say that I do. Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time…" A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…"
“Nervous.” Asked the interviewer. “No, I always give 110%”
Because no one would bet on a seahorse.