Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles
Luckily, it was a soft drink!
Because they're incells.
The same cannot be said of his twin brother, Confusion.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
Easy, cause they dominate that shit. It's the same reason white people watch the History Channel.
8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house. Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha. 8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock Me: Who's there 8yo: The chicken.
Great food, no atmosphere.
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day, but on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
Taken: Out Of Context.
Never trust a guy with 6 kids that says he is going to pull out
It means my illegal logging business is a success
I mean, first I win the lottery and now this
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Wife: ok just throw them out [Later] Husband: helping the kids pack a suitcase look I'm as surprised as you are
creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is
The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits don’t exist. The FBI goes in next. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest to the ground, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. That rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in last. They come out a few hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
If I never have to deal with another “custom CMS” ever again, it’ll be too soon… The latest one that’s been inflicted upon me, inspired me to make this meme:https://ift.tt/3fAGfuV
"Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here." "That works out because I never went to college." "Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here"
I was having sex with my friend’s wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.
She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me…
The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand. It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting. 'So… you've been out drinking again!' 'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame. 'The pub called– you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'
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Take the front page, it's over 90% recycled content!
So far all I have is 9.
And i took that shit to the next level
I asked my 32 brothers and sisters, but they didn't know either.
you might be dyslexic
When there is change in the weather.