Why is cyka blyat still a thing
Met a beautiful girl at the park today..
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser.
I found a genie in a bottle who granted me three wishes.
Being selfless, I wished for world peace, reduce pollution and less traffic. … Should’ve read the terms and conditions. My bad.
Dad: Son, what be a pirate’s favorite restaurant? Son: Arrrrby’s! Dad: Correct! And what be a pirate’s favorite animal? Son: Arrrrmadillo! Dad: Right again! But what be a pirate’s favorite body part? Son: Easy. The arrrrrm!
Dad: You'd think it would be the arrrrm, but he's rather fond of the booty!
Do you know why cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
This is my first year not going to Fiji because of Covid-19
Normally i don’t go because I’m poor
What do you call a blonde who dyed herself brunette?
Artificial Intelligence
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could have done for him.
A Conman, Moron and Rapist walks into a Bar
Bartender asks “What would you like, Mr. President?”
What did the DJ name his son?
https://ift.tt/338Kd76
How does a Flat Earther travel the world?
On a plane!
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
Must be the high Mercury content.
Wanna here a joke about a broken pencil?
Never mind, it’s pointless…
A young muslim boy asks his dad ” what are you wearing on your head?”
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body." The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?” "These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet." Son asks " what is that black tent mom and sister are wearing ?" Father :" It's called a burkha , it helps the hot desert sand from hitting the face during a sandstorm" . "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son…” "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
I am so sorry reddit . . .
I AM HERE TO SAY GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! MY WIFE SAYS I AM IN THIS SUBREDDIT EVERY 20 SECONDS, AND SHE CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! WE ARGUED AND SHE TOLD ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER OR THE SUBREDDIT. SO I AM GOING TO BE OFFLINE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES WHILE I PACK HER BAGS, AND CALL HER A TAXI. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
If you don’t clean your dirty hair, you’ll get a louse.
If you don't clean your house, you'll get a dirty lair.
A man in a trench coat runs up to three old ladies sitting on a park bench and exposes himself.
One of the old ladies had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.
Did you miss the IOKIYAR Amendment to the Constitution? It’s OK, If You’re A Republican.
https://ift.tt/37frKs1
The first time I saw foot porn, I didn’t like it
So after a while I decided to give it another try, and it wasn’t half bad. I guess I got off on the wrong foot
My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It”
Too many Maine characters.
Be extra safe on the roads today everybody, us men will be drinking
Which means our women will be driving
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
NSFW
Deciding not to wear a helmet to your construction job.
You know you’ve done something wrong when your computer starts REEEEEEEing at you
https://ift.tt/34on0i2
Why did the ‘A’ go to the bathroom and come out an ‘E’?
It had a vowel movement.
A gay man, a straight woman and a programmer are stranded on a deserted island.
During the first night, the gay man goes to the programmer and tells him they should kill the woman so he could have a normal sex life. The second night, the woman goes to the programmer and tells him they should kill the gay man so she could have a normal sex life. The third night, the programmer kills both the woman and the man so he could have normal sex life.
What do affordable healthcare and sarcasm have in common?
Most Americans don't get it.
I organised a secret bukkake party for my girlfriend…
Everybody came, you should have seen her face!
What do cops say when they have sex?
Stop resisting!
Everyone knows it’s not socialism if you’re subsidizing people who own for a living.
https://ift.tt/2WfSFRV