Why is Donald Trump happy about the impeachment result?
Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.
You can say…. I’m behind The Times.
He's only got little legs
I can always count on them.
He got a little behind in his work
Toward the Finnish line
But it's hard to say…
Once in a Blue Moon.
The first guy takes a bite out of an apple and says its too sweet. So he throws it out of the plane. The second guy takes a bite out of a lemon and says its to sour. He also throws it out of the plane. The third guy takes a bite of a grenade and says its too hard. So he too throws it out of the plane. The guys land, and they’re walking around town. They see a girl crying and ask her why shes crying “An apple came down and killed my cat” she said They walk some more and see a boy crying He said “a lemon came down and killed my dog” They then came across a kid laughing really hard. He said “I farted and the guy behind me exploded”
I said, "I'm not too fussy as long as it doesn't have ghosts in."
I said, "Hi, do you do deliveries?" He said, "Yes, sir. Of course." "Superb," I said, "I've got a Domino's Pizza ready to pick up."
I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.
If it were served warm it would be justwater
Husband- Hi Pregnant, I am Dad. Wife- No you're not.
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said “Oh look. They have tongue depressers.” He says “Those won’t work on me.” I asked why and he says…
"I'm on antidepressants." He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
A paragraph, because he's only a short ese.
An NSFW tag
Always Coming From Take Me Down
That's just the half of it.
I said "No, it doesn't".
He looks at his sasquatch.
During the Battle of Britain, in just one day, he destroyed 8 German aircrafts killing 32 Nazis. Literally the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
(NSFW) A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sitting in the waiting room of an OB/Gyn office. All three are about six months pregnant.
The brunette starts a conversation with the other two women by saying, “I read an article that says you can determine what gender your baby will be if you know what position you were in during sex that was at the time of conception. I know I was on top when my husband and I were having sex and I got pregnant, so the article said I should have a girl.” The redhead says, “well I was on bottom when my husband and I had sex so I must be having a boy” The blonde starts wailing and crying “oh god! I’m going to have puppies!!”
We’ll see about that…