Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve?
Because he always accepts cookies.
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!
she told me "give it away, give it away, give it away NOW" !
I was talking with fiance out getting married and he said he wasn’t excited about being called husbands.
But he though that wife had a nice ring to it.
Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers. Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.
You should go for the juggler.
I think I deleted system32
It only feels like a maternity
And then it dawned on me.
I'm 19 years old and I major in Biology at SDSU. I was talking to my dad at Easter about an essay I'm writing. It is on the extracellular matrix, basically everything in the space between two or more cells, I thought it was going all right until he started laughing at literally nothing. Me: "Whats so funny?" Him: "I have a joke okay?" Me: "Okay?" Him: "What do prisoners study?" Me: "What?" Him: "Cell Walls." Basically thats my life.
I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.
Should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature
Don't worry, he's 0K
A un-aware wolf
I probably should've stopped when I got to her name
why do rice krispies snap, crackle and pop?
I laughed because I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him…
It was a piece of cake 🍰!!! 😂
They always bring their eh game
My response, “I can’t help it, it’s mourning wood”
i don’t really know how to feel about that
It’s my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes… Why couldn’t the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
Because he was already stuffed… Sorry, I'll do better next year – definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!
To make it more classy…
"The way you've taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it's too late!" The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard. One of the nuns thoughtfully says, -Sister, shall we just write: "Attention, the bridge is demolished?"
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Waitress says, “What can I get you, Hun?”