Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Let me know if you can't come
He’ll be know as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s. Thank you so much she said, Where is it? I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.
When I called customer service about it they said, “ oh that’s just a freebie.”
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 93,934 matches.
Add spring water.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
You're not alone.
I replied “can I at least Taekwondo?”
They managed to coronise the world.
That when he dies he'll walk toward the light and switch it off.
An ambulance! He's got a car on his head!
It’s just a curd to me.
How do you ruin a joke?
The day before Thanksgiving, a guy in Phoenix calls his son in New York and tells him,”Son, I’m really sorry but I have to tell you that your mother and I are splitting up. We can’t live with each other any more.”
The son is distraught and shouts down the phone at his father, "Pop, what are you talking about?" The father replies, "It's just that we can't stand the sight of each other any more. And I'm sick of talking about this, so will you call your sister in Chicago and tell her?" The father than hangs up, and the son frantically calls his sister, who's equally distraught and exclaims, "Like heck they're getting divorced! Leave it to me, I'll take care of this." So she calls her father and shouts down the phone at him, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't you dare to do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't you dare do a thing about this. Do you hear me?" She then hangs up, at which point the father hangs up his phone, turns to his wife and says, "Okay dear, they're both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
A lot of conditioning
It hasn’t come out yet!
Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me
For Hispanic attacks.
Because you can't C in the Dark.
..My door is always open.
I was fired immediately.