Wife bad. DIY good.
So after a few minutes, the guy walks over to her. He leans in and whispers in her ear " Hey can I smell your pussy?" The girl is irate, and she screams at him "What is wrong with you?! That's disgusting! How could you say that?!! NO! You cannot smell my pussy!!!" and the guy says " oh, well I guess it's your feet."
You can hide but you cant run
He was afraid of capitalism.
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
Everywhere. Edit: Whoa thanks for the toilet seat.
Never, EVER go back to those two places.
She responds: “see that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.” The kid replies: “but mom, I’m blind!” Mom: “Exactly.”
Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
My construction company failed after a competitor started a viscous rumor that I build houses without a foundation
It was a baseless accusation
I found that 100% of people were upset when the tent collapsed.
I got a full house and 3 people died.
He doesn’t want to be spotted
Got the cold shoulder 🙁
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Damn things bounce all over the place
Dad: No, it doesn’t
He was cleared of all charges.
But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
Nicked it off some fat ginger prick at the park
it can write other words too
I told him that I had Clausible deniability.
She’s a private tutor.
But I wanted to be transparent.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.
Their number one answer was, “HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”
It was a stage he was going through.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger. He asked, “Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I’m not a serial killer?”.
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
An udder disaster
Three friends stranded on a desert island find a magic lamp. Inside is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. "I want to go home," says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. "I want to go home, too," says the second friend. The genie sends her back home. "I'm lonely," says the third friend. "I sure wish my friends were back here."
Because the trees can speak for themselves
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