wife bad, man poor
Months later she wakes up, and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: Don't worry, they're just fine. You had twins, a boy and a girl, and your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them? Doctor: Well, the girl is called Denise. Woman: Oh, that's not too bad! What about the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
Yes we arson
A poultry. (came up with that in the shower)
When it's fully groan.
In Google Docs.
The Zookeeper said he was bread in captivity.
I told her we use names here.
…but that’s the highest form of flattery.
It was quite the spectacle
Dad: Aw, he is saying his first words. Son: D-dad, I'm fucking 30 and stop making fun of my stutter.
Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
Hey bud, when do you open? 😆
They're really down to Earth.
It’s a non-prophet organization
My dad: “None that I’ve seen!”
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
Only a fraction of the people will get this joke
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
Judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.
Now I have a nickel-less cage.
Because there is a lot of reposting to do.
I saw it with my own eyes.
It’s when a British person takes a good look at something
"Back in my day, it was Monday".
I won't be spoken to in that tone!
Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs in here.” Guy says “This is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.”
Bartender says “Sure… If you say so. Now please leave.” Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * “Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.” Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?” Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes “Ruff.” Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!” Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies “Ruth” Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!” Guy and dog leave. Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”