Wife won’t let me do guy stuff!
You have the freezing cold part at the top Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
Me: sipping toast Why?
It's white and settles on their land
I think they're intoxicating people.
Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George’s hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.
An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said. "What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room. Inside the room were two chairs. "Now sit down in these chairs," she said. "What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says we should sit down in these chairs," replied George. So George and Ted sat down in the chairs. The photographer pulled out her camera and pointed it at the birthday brothers. "Now let me focus," she said. "What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to focus," replied George. "Wow!" exclaimed Ted. "Both of us at the same time?"
The catapult worked well
So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?” so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”
Cause dad's left.
Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Not everyone of you, of course.
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
Because it had a bad driver! drops mic
Waist of time.
Aisle B, back
A time traveler walks into a bar
He misses you.
It hasn’t come out yet!
This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes “X” instead of “Christ.”
I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.
but none of them work.
That sail has shipped.
The library- it’s got the most stories 😂😂😂
This is going to be one hell of a week.
You get your palm red for free