Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
His Law Suit.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs…….I said "very little."
They’re his watch dogs!
Plagiarism. I just made up that word.
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!
"DAD, please don…." "That's the spirit."
Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
…It's something that a hundred men or more could never do
While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my car and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?" "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up. She said, “Come, get in my car. I’ll take you to my place that is only few blocks away. You can clean up, and then I will examine to confirm that you are not hurt.” "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come on, I’m a Doctor," she insisted. "We need to see if you have any scrapes and treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very kind. I could not say no, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place and after cleaning up, she examining me to confirm that I do not have any major injury and then offered a drink. We had couple of drinks, but all along I was feeling guilty and finally told her, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. I suppose, she must be at home, right?" "Well, not really. She must be still in the ditch."
Blunt force trauma
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
W-I-F-E They tell you what to do all day long!
They're always plotting something.
It was a shih tzu
Because they have no body to go with…
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
…is it still stationary?
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Yep, she’s pregnant.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
His parents go to a plastic surgeon and the surgeon finds out the boy hasn’t been circumcised yet. The foreskin has nearly the same tissue as the eyelids, so the surgeon suggests a procedure using the baby’s foreskin to fix this problem. Ecstatic, the parents agree. After a few hours of surgery, it was a success! The boy is fine now, he’s just a little cock-eyed.
She looked up and quietly replied, “they’re right behind you.”
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
I feel sublime!
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
It was about a week back.
He looked at me and said "I honestly don't know… It's hard to keep track".
The results pretty much speak for themselves…
Then it just clicked.
"Between you and me, something smells" (Credit to a 9 y.o. I thought it was funny)
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