So if you’re a good driver watch out
"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."
Tomorrow he will learn that most people do not believe you, even if you tell the truth.
Hand him a used tampon and ask which period it’s from.
He wrote poultry for her.
He couldn’t see that well.
When it's full groan.
A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.
"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner. "Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse – good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse – mostly good for companionship." "That sounds interesting. What about the one swimming in the lake over there?" the lottery winner says. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
It would be "bad at following directions"
If you're talking to drugs, it's probably too late to say no to them.
I had to put my foot down
I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.
I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.
It’s because an asteroid might hit us next month. ….. and … paper always beats rock
The teachers tend to Babylon.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?" "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunningly beautiful 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds. "Hello there girls, your dad sent me up here to fuck ya both." "Fuck off you liar!" "I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?" "Of course, what's the use of fucking one?"
I have no words to describe how angry I am
Mount Everest. It just hadn't been discovered yet. (compliments of my 8 year old)
She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama
The p is silent.