… for 20 seconds. … And only once.
It was on its last legs.
Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Heard him tell his class mate, ‘You’re good at running. I bet when you grow up you are going to be a great racist.’ (Good luck today all you London Marathon racists!)
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
Because he was 2²
I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
You went from the ladle to the grave.
…but I still haven’t gotten it.
I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors, but he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily, the judge was lenient…
…as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
My mom looked at my dad. My dad clenched his fists. My mom screamed: "NO DON'T DO IT" …. My dad, breathing heavily: "HI GAY, I'M DAD!"
They took him into custardy
"over where?" "I just made you say 'pants'…" (Made up by my 7 year old who never fails to giggle at "under where?" jokes)
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
So you can always count on me.
I have to remind him what Israel.
I texted her, “Oh pun the door!”
sometimes I go for a run in flip flops to remember what it sounds like.
is sphere itself
At first, I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face…
He had special kneads.
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
“Sure. Let me tell you, it isn’t what it used to be.”
They don’t want to admit that a piece a meat makes them happy
At the border, she's stopped by a border security officer. "Name?" asks the officer. "Angela Merkel," she says. "Occupation?" asks the officer. "Look, we said we were sorry," she replies.
It is because she has so many fans.
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
You put a nipple on it
Tickets are non-refundable…
Because downvotes are very offensive.
People were really grateful.
But you didn't like it.
But you do need one to go skydiving twice
One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The New York contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.
I don’t know. I don’t speak French.