Windows
I had a gold fish who could break dance on a carpet.
… for 20 seconds. … And only once.
A prosthetics company was going out of business.
It was on its last legs.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
My kid thinks ‘racist’ meant someone who is good at running.
Heard him tell his class mate, ‘You’re good at running. I bet when you grow up you are going to be a great racist.’ (Good luck today all you London Marathon racists!)
This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
Why didnt 4 ask out 5?
Because he was 2²
As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office
I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
So you died from eating too much gravy?
You went from the ladle to the grave.
My friend told me a coronavirus joke…
…but I still haven’t gotten it.
I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors, but he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily, the judge was lenient…
…as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
Mom, dad… I’m gay…
My mom looked at my dad. My dad clenched his fists. My mom screamed: "NO DON'T DO IT" …. My dad, breathing heavily: "HI GAY, I'M DAD!"
What did the police do when they caught the thief stealing the desserts from the bakery?
They took him into custardy
“look over there”
"over where?" "I just made you say 'pants'…" (Made up by my 7 year old who never fails to giggle at "under where?" jokes)
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
Why did I get a tattoo of a calculator?
So you can always count on me.
My friend keeps making up imaginary Middle Eastern countries..
I have to remind him what Israel.
After getting sick of my dad jokes, my wife locked me out of the house.
I texted her, “Oh pun the door!”
I haven’t had sex in so long
sometimes I go for a run in flip flops to remember what it sounds like.
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear
is sphere itself
My girlfriend told me to stop singing “I’m a Believer”.
At first, I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face…
I knew an autistic baker who could make a loaf of bread in any shape.
He had special kneads.
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
“Dad, can you explain to me what entropy means?”
“Sure. Let me tell you, it isn’t what it used to be.”
Why don’t vegetarians moan during sex?
They don’t want to admit that a piece a meat makes them happy
Angela Merkel is taking a holiday in Poland.
At the border, she's stopped by a border security officer. "Name?" asks the officer. "Angela Merkel," she says. "Occupation?" asks the officer. "Look, we said we were sorry," she replies.
![[OC] u/vaaliera Ahaha phone bad](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/l6trm5rq9ni41-400x663.jpg)
I just figured out why Beyoncé’s hair is always blowing in every picture.
It is because she has so many fans.
What is the best part about living in Switzerland?
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
You put a nipple on it
The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled…
Tickets are non-refundable…
Cascading opinion
Because downvotes are very offensive.
Shredded cheese was a great invention.
People were really grateful.
I was going to post a time travel joke
But you didn't like it.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
But you do need one to go skydiving twice
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC.
One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The New York contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.
What did one French man say to the other French guy.
I don’t know. I don’t speak French.
