Woke up to my phone having a seizure because my dad kept sending me a dozen of these
What did the solar panel say to the soul man
SOUL POWER
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind it's tearable.
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9
Personally, I prefer it without the period.
Did you know diarrhea Is hereditary?
It runs in our jeans
My wife asked me if I was having an affair with a woman from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch.
I said: “How can you say such a thing?”
Why didn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out man.
![[Legit] What food did you hate as a kid?](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/0n6h41pgyeo11-400x81.jpg)
My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home.
“How are you mate?” “Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.” I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21 year old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you. They respond “Get away with ya… Prove it.” I shouted downstairs “Hey, mate! Both of them?” He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?” EDIT: Gold already?! Thank you so much guys!!
Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda?
Best Buy employee: a cord? Me: no it's a Civic.
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help.
Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
I once had sex with a girl in an apple orchard
I then came in cider.
I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
![What is recursion? [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/uysgsbgqpcb41-400x400.png)
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less!
What Donald Ducks drug of choice?
Quack cocain
My deaf girlfriend just told me “I think we need to talk.”
That’s not a good sign.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over. My 14yo daughter just dropped this one on us.
Everyone keeps making fun of me because I don’t know what the word “apocalypse” means
Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.
I switched out my bed for a trampoline
Let me tell you that my wife hit the roof when she found out.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, “Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?” She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner
She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Why was the borrowed money happy to be returned?
Because it wasn’t a loan anymore.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fell down a cliff
Bah-dum tssssssss
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
As I suspected, someone’s been adding soil to my garden
The plot thickens
In the Israeli government who has the most power?
The Jewdiciary branch