Women hard to understand
Three sisters get married, each to another man
The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them. She decides to take each of them on a walk separately. The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the second guy and again, "accidentally" falls into the same pond. He doesn't hesitate either, and jumps in to save her. The next day, he too gets a notification on his phone that he received 500 dollars, also with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the third guy and again "accidentally" falls into the pond. The guy looks around if anyone can see, decides that no one is watching, and walks away. The next day, he gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars aswell with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your father in-law, James"
My Science Teacher don’t know science
So my science teacher thinks that the nucleus is the power house of the cell. Not the mitochondria. Should we rebel?
What do blind people do when they get sick?
No, seriously. It's not like they can go see a doctor
Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
Everywhere. Edit: Whoa thanks for the toilet seat.
I think Saturn’s name is the best in our solar system
It has a nice ring to it
What are smart people called in America?
Tourists.
What do you call 20 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hairline.
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
I have a complex complex complex
A man experiencing severe headaches goes to the doctor
He says."Doc, you've gotta help me. I've been getting these same headaches everyday and I don't know what to do". The doctor says "I experienced those same headaches too. Here's what I did: I went home and gave my wife oral sex. She would squeeze my head with her legs and this relieved the tension. Try it". Two weeks go by, and the doctor calls him up, asking how he feels. He says "Doc, you're a genius! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment. I feel like a new man! Oh, and by the way, you have a lovely home".
A cloud is trying to be cool.
He's being smog
The cemetery looks overcrowded
People must be dying to get there.
To the guy who invented zero:
Thanks for nothing!
What do you call an octopus with 4 hearts?
An octopus with 1 extra heart. (It’s a learning joke 😁)
A man is away on vacation and phones his brother to see how things are at home.
-Hi Gary, how's everything going? -Oh, not so good. To start your cat died and… -Hold on a sec, Gary. You don't ruin someone's vacation and give bad news just like that. You have to be subtle. You could've just said "Oh, the cat's up on the roof right now" or something, so I don't get upset and ruin my holiday. -Sorry, I never heard that before. -Well, that's ok, I guess you just didn't know. How's Dad doing? -Ahh, he's up on the roof right now.
What’s blue and not so heavy?
Light blue
Have you ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?
It’s beauty was unpresidented.
Why do females make the best archaeologists?
Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.
I have a friend named Bob
He hates it when I say his name backwards
We should’ve known communism would fail.
There were so many red flags.
Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite
It’s “A man ran by a campsite” because it’s past tents
Why is every gender equality officer in a company female?
Because it is cheaper
An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.
I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night. I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”
Dude 1: “Bro can you pass me that pamphlet?”
Dude 2: “Brochure.”
I bet prostitutes cause temporary blindness.
All they do is flash and bang people.
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is overrated.
It’s just a curd to me.
Her: Let’s exchange numbers
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
My wife just got her breast pump going…
So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius…. She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4pZq_LMYQ&t=2s&ab_channel=tenten
