Woof to the person who asked for the book.
The Mechanical engineer says: – "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says: – "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says: – "Impurities in the Gasoline" The IT engineer says: – "Hey guys, i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
…like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
…but I stand corrected.
She said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace!" So I bought her . . . nothing.
So I choose not to post it this time around
The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully: "We tried, but nobody would take you"
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates." About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, your son Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow… Love, Mom.
“You know, one would’ve been enough!”
Passenger taps his cab driver on the shoulder, The drivers shits himself, almost hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window
"Wow youre jumpy arent you, i just tapped you on the shoulder" said the passenger "Sorry" said the driver "its my first day on the job and ive been driving a hearse the past 20 years"
So I got a cake -Mitch Hedberg
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
And I’m not getting any straight answers.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
I guess I'm a faux pas.
Edit：Wow thanks for the gold kind stranger!
I would be a felon. Not because I have a big dick, but because I ran over several children on purpose.
Precisely zero – and that is a good number.
If only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone.
Because he is married
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
It was called Diffi cult.
To take a photo in front of a church.
"Surely it's not going to rain today?" She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley" …Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
She wasn't bad for a 55, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said,"No. But it's my secret fantasy." We drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, "Mom! you still awake?"
He had exceeded the maximum number of loggin' attempts.