Workers rights and safety in work place bad
Why is spiderman so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
how it feels trying to learn a language
how it feels trying to learn a language
I do this with my passwords not this exactly but thought it was funny enough to share.
https://ift.tt/2SHGF9A
Communist jokes can be funny
But only if everyone gets them
I saw a sign that said falling rocks,
so I tried it. It doesn't.
“Anything these days,” I told my son.
He frowned a little. "What's that?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Huh?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "I don't understand. Explain?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. He sighed loudly. "Are you crazy, dad?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked. There was a pause. "Anything these days," I continued. At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!" There was a silence. "This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
It shouldn’t be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump
It's always darkest before Don
I finally found out what causes random out of place boners
Subliminal thots
A guy went to a Halloween party wearing regular clothes with his girlfriend sitting on his shoulder…..
…the host said where's your costume? The guy said I'm wearing a costume – I'm a snail. The host said you're a snail? The guy said yes, a snail, and pointed to his girlfriend and said this is Michelle.
My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.
I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?” I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!” “Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”
A warning to all.
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas. Quite rightly, police are out checking on people. Last night I went our for a few drinks. Cocktails, then wine. (Not a good idea). However, knowing I was over the limit, I took the bus back home. We passed a police check point and I could see they were pulling over drivers and giving them breath tests. They waved the bus past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a surprise as I’d never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from.
La gorda abby llegando al mcdonalds
La gorda abby llegando al mcdonalds
I want to share a Russian pun with you all
but if no one likes it and it gets down-voted then so-v-iet
Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with car parts?
He got off with a suspension.
When a knight in Prague dons his armor…
…the Czech is in the mail.
A man dies and meets God
God tells him "Because of your excellent behaviour in life, I will grant you one wish, you can ask me anything." The man says "Okay, Tell me who killed JFK?" God says "It was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone, using his own rifle" The man says "Wow, this goes higher up than I thought"
The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout 'Mickey Mouse'?” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout…… “Donald , duck!”
I think I’m done buying trash bags.
I always end up throwing them away anyways.
Why do people in Athens hate waking up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
I shaved a hedgehog once
It was pointless
I asked a young pretty homeless woman if I could take her home?
She smiled and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
The average person is really mean
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I was going to make a joke about my spine, but I think it was a repost. Did anyone see it here earlier?
It was about a weak back.
Since I’ve installed Adblock Plus
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
Don’t try to get a career in counterfeiting.
You won't make any real money.
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
I farted in my wallet..
Now I have gas money.
I need a special pair of spectacles to read legal documents…
Contract lenses.
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing. It’s on the house.
The shovel was really a ground-breaking invention.
No text found
teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10…?
steven: even numbers stephen: ephen numbers
A woman is having an affair while her husband is at work
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "It's dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." The boy says "I have a baseball." The man says "That's nice." Boy asks "Want to buy it?" Man replies "No, thanks." Boy says "My dad's outside." Man "okay, how much?" Boy "$250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy "Its dark in here." Man "Yes, it is." Boy "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy "$750? Man "fine" A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy ~ "$1,000?" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost." "I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "It's dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
How come Grizzlies never wear shoes?
Why do you think they're always Bearfoot 24/7?
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket :(
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run
They should stock ATM’s better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!