People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
My Korea is over
As big as the previous two combined
Tuna half minutes!
When my dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed about it for a while…
Then I remembered… Me and my wife have different dentists…
but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Airport security, for example.
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Son: No, we can all still see you.
and i had to eat it otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the track
The only thing I like about gay s3x is that it doesn’t involve women😉
I’m an eighth-theist
She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
Unfortunatley, I didn't impress anyone at the cremation…
"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room. Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.
The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?" "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."
If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”