World’s fastest Gpu fan?
9/11 Jokes aren’t funny.
But the other 2 are.
There are are only 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary, and those who don`t
Me: “Do you shower after sex?”
Coworker: "Yes." Me: "Then you should get laid more often."
News just in: Local police have acquired 1000 bees
They're believed to be used as part of a sting operation
As a punishment I made my son read part of the dictionary.
He learned next to nothing.
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife….
when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"
Why did the homophobic buffalo cry?
It had a bison.
When I was a boy, my father told me never to ask a lady her age.
But the judge didn't see it that way.
I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.
Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
I once swallowed a book of synonyms.
It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
A group of photographers went out to dinner..
As they sat at their table, taking photos of their food for social media, one of the photographers realized he hadn't been given water. He approached the bar and asked for a glassful, with which the bartender obliged. Rather than immediately leaving, he stood there and stared at the bartender for a moment before returning to his seat. Soon enough, he found himself thirsty again, and took another trip to the bar, and once again stared at the bartender. This happened again and again throughout the night, with the bartender becoming progressively more frustrated by the photographers persistent requests for glasses of water and uncomfortable stares. Finally, on the photographers fifteenth trip, the bartender loses his cool and yells, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"
Can people stop making coronavirus jokes
I’m getting sick of them
Masturbation is a touchy subject…
…whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.
i made this in under 2 minutes because i thought about it and needed it to be done
https://ift.tt/374H6j5
One big difference between men and women is…
that if a woman says "smell this" it usually smells nice
My girlfriend objected when I tried to..
post our home made sex tape on PornHub, saying she couldn’t stand the thought of all those strangers masturbating over it. So I put it on Facebook instead.
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it. So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T". Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
My wife said to me that if I got her another stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it…
So I bought her a candle…
For lifelong French bakers,
existence is pain.
If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware?
I don't know but Alaska.
I really hope coronavirus can’t spread through sex
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
The pool on the titanic is still full…
Let that sink in
Communist jokes aren’t funny
Unless everyone gets it
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me…
"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will just let it go.