Because I haven’t see him in 15 years.
[Nsfw] My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the car park."
Because they cantaloupe. Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
I guess you could say I've hit rock bottom…
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
I said of course. There are no dogs in my beard. https://imgur.com/B7mUpUc
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
Shit, wrong thread.
I haven't touched it in years.
Such a random way to start a conversation.
The salesgirl shows him several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself." She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
Everybody came.. You should have seen her face
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
I can also tell when they're standing.
who's there? The electrician to fix your doorbell
One of them yells out “$20 for a blowjob, Father!” The priest puts his head down and speed walks the rest of the way. When he arrives at the church he nervously approaches one of the nuns and asks her “Sister, what’s a blowjob?” She tells him “$20, Same as downtown”
Guy: You're the most average girl here Girl: You're so mean Guy: No, you are
but none of them work
Never trust a guy with 6 kids that says he is going to pull out
My wife’s favorite song is “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers and she reminds of this every single time it’s on the radio…
I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…"
Little did I know the window was rolled down… at least it stopped crying
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
I’ll let you know.
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds