Wow, that last template was NOT for this meme
![[Meta] I definitely did not do this 😂🅱️💯](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/ns7j55bx8f821-400x300.jpg)
Have you heard of the man with 5 penises?
He’s been looking for a condom that fits like a glove.
How did the pharaoh get so rich?
He was running a huge pyramid scheme…
I recently poured concrete for the foundation of a house.
The plot thickens.
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
I used to be heavily addicted to soap…
Don’t worry, I’m clean now.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know but the flag is a big plus.
I was a bit depressed so I surrounded myself with positive people
Now I am at the hospital.
If you boil a funny bone….
It becomes a laughing stock
People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws
Outlaws are wanted
Mr Ed just moved next door to me a few days ago.
We’re neighbors now.
Why did 7 eat 9 ?
it’s recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
I once dated a girl with a twin..
People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and Bob had a cock. Thanks to Anthony Jeselnik for the joke
You know what really makes my day?
The rotation of the earth
Some heavy stuff my teacher puts in our Homework during Coronavirus Homeschooling.
https://ift.tt/2WTxo0t
My girlfriend got upset when I called her a plateau…
…but that’s the highest form of flattery.
NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding
When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration. “What’s a licence” she asks So the cop explains what a licence is. The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop. “I also need to registration” reminds the cop “What’s a registration” she asks So the cop explains what a registration is to her. “I have one of those” she says as she grabs it and hands it over. So the cop takes the licence and registration back to his car to write up the ticket. As he’s writing up the ticket he tells his partner how dumb this blonde is. His partner thinks a minute and says “when you take the ticket to her, give her everything then drop your pants to see what her reaction is.” So the cop finishes writing up the ticket and heads back to the blonde. He hands her her licence, registration and the ticket then drops his pants. The blonde looks confused for a second then her face falls, “oh no, not another breathalyzer test”
What Apple interviews must be like for Software Engineers post iOS 14 (Virtual Onsite Zoom)
https://youtu.be/QR5v579LsWA
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
A college economics professor was up for tenure…
At the review, his dean was berating the veteran prof for having used the same final exam for the past 20 years. "Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that they all know EXACTLY what questions are on the test before they sit for it?" "That doesn't matter," replied the professor, "It's Economics, every year I just keep changing the ANSWERS."
Why are so many plants transgendered?
Because plants have less stygma to stamen.
What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 cent featuring Nickelback
Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter’s Square.
Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'". The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'". The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'". The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'". Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well…."? She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D – 24 – 36 When she walks into a room people say, "Jeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuussss!"
How do you call someone who overuses CAPITAL LETTERS?
Capitalist My sincere apologies in advance 😉
A buddy of mine wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to send him 10 of my best puns to make him feel better.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?". "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks over at the bottle and says, "Jesus christ! He's done it again!"
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage…
when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he is rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He would come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He would come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
We should have known communism wouldn’t work
There were so many red flags.
Facebook keeping important infrastructure out of the hands of junior developers
https://ift.tt/2CRGaB3
Why are there no cases of COVID-19 in Antarctica?
Because they're ice-o-lated
If you are planning on stealing another election, it’s best to hire criminals
https://ift.tt/2Y8Ff9B
For years I was against organ transplants
Then I had a change of heart
The power went out in my house today.
I was delighted.
Do u know the difference between a vitamin and a hormone ?
Can’t hear a vitamin