Wut
My aunt shared this on Facebook, as a gen z I must say that this is boomer af.
https://ift.tt/36qzF4s
Joke
Police: “Open the door!” – Man: “I don’t want any balls!” – Police: “What? We don’t have balls!” – Man: “I know.”
My grandfather’s broken watch is as relevant to my family today as it was to him 50 years ago.
It’s a timeless piece, really.
I was going to share a joke about planes.
But I do not think it will take off.
“When I stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look into your eyes?”
"Ma'am, just blow in the breathalyzer, please."
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?
It runs in your jeans.
Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c?
You can’t see in the dark
A man dies and meets God
God tells him "Because of your excellent behaviour in life, I will grant you one wish, you can ask me anything." The man says "Okay, Tell me who killed JFK?" God says "It was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone, using his own rifle" The man says "Wow, this goes higher up than I thought"
a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school
he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted” he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive” he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved” he went back to school, where he coincidentally was tasked to perform a bake sale. his teacher walked by and he chanced upon this opportunity to tell his teacher the three quotes, the teacher bought a cupcake and the boy said, “a fool and his money are soon parted” in rage, the teacher got angry and said, “i want to send you to the principals office” he then replied, “ask and you shall receive” at the principals office, he was told by him that he will be punished if he does not stop such behaviour, the boy finally replied, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is tested” much to everyone’s surprise the spanish inquisition arrived
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
he won the no-bell prize!
Pornhub premium users are like jesus
They pay for our sins.
What is it called when a cannonball eats another cannonball?
Cannonball-ism
I’ve just been banned from r/childfree.
Apparently it's not the best place to list your kids when you're trying to give them away.
What did the police say to his bellybutton
Your under a vest
What’s the best way to calm down a knife-wielding girlfriend?
Please answer quickly
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
The Second-Hand Store.
Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?
Skipping.
My friend keeps making up imaginary Middle Eastern countries..
I have to remind him what Israel.
My wife got really mad at me because I don’t have any sense of direction…
So I packed my bags and right.
What do you call a psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
You’ve heard of “click it or ticket”, a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined…
Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: “Mask it or Casket”!
A child asks his dad, what does a solar eclipse mean.
His dad replied, "no son".
I was addicted to soap for years…
I’m clean now!
I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers, I mean you don’t see medical students calling themselves doctors…
Or art students calling themselves unemployed.
Why was the cheese deformed?
Because it was inbred.
What do you give a cannibal who’s late for dinner
The cold shoulder
