Years ago, I had a job translating pre Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
Some heavy stuff my teacher puts in our Homework during Coronavirus Homeschooling.
https://ift.tt/2WTxo0t
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
Can’t a girl just say Good Morning to a guy like a normal person?
Is it really necessary to ask “Who are you” “How did you get in my room” “Why are you naked”.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated
Wait if the sex of a baby is determined by the father’s sperm …
…does that make semen gender-fluid?
“You’re 1 joule per second, Harry!”
“I’m a Watt?”
Whenever I go to a Apple Store, I feel like a three year old at a candy shop.
I can’t afford anything.
Why are gay people always laughing
Because they can't keep a straight face
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a lamp.
After rubbing on it, a genie pops out! The genie says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The genie asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
I don’t like the word xenophobia.
It sounds so foreign.
What do you call an erection at a funeral?
Mourning Wood
A nice change of pace from all the other times I’ve been fucked because of assembly
https://ift.tt/2X1nWIu
Why was the locomotive outstanding in his field?
He trained.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns
Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
No Son, have you seen my dadglasses?
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care
If you’re reading this, you’ve been in a coma for 10 years
We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we’re hoping we got through PLEASE WAKE UP
What are bald sailors most worried about?
Cap sizes!
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?” With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies,” cried the professor, “The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!”