yeesh
[SPOILER] Star Wars
https://imgur.com/lglgd2E
Me after finishing an introductory lesson on HTML pretending to understand the posts here
https://ift.tt/33XO0oi
I tried to catch Santa last night.
I poisoned his milk but he found out and killed my dad.
My wife bought me soy sauce to help ease my depression.
Kikkoman when he's down, I guess.
Where do sheep get their haircut?
At the baa baa shop!
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns…
Then you’re looking in Alderaan places
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
What do you get when you mix 50% human DNA with 50% goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Just spent 8 hours linking all my watches together to make a belt…
It was a waist of time.
I just read a joke about Oedipus and Midas.
It was mother fucking gold
When does a bad joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent
MLM guy doesnt realize that 10trillion isnt worth dick due to hyperinflation.
https://ift.tt/337k0Gk
I got in touch with my inner self today…
…that's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
Did you know the population of Ireland is growing at a faster rate than any other country in the world?
It’s capital has been Dublin every year.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The other day I was asking the bartender for the WiFi password
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
Horse with a horn or a 40-foot neck leopard thing? You decide
Horse with a horn or a 40-foot neck leopard thing? You decide
I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance… never really wanted to" A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody standing around was laughing.. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12-gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir… but…. I've always wanted to"
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…
Must be some kind of milestone…
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!” The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.” After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”