Yes
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank
The rabbit says : I think I might be a type O.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale
I really need to get this shit off my chest,
and let my girlfriend know I’m not into this fetish.
I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, “Why?! Is it because I’m small and cute!?”
"No…" I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."
[At the museum] Her: Do you think we are allowed to take pictures?
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
I almost got caught stealing a board game today…
But it was a Risk I was willing to take
I saw my kid reading Fahrenheit 451. I asked him, “How do you like it?”
He said, “This book is lit.”
What’s the suicide bomber’s worst fear?
Dying alone.
And now it’s stuck in my head
You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, now in quarantine You can dance, you can jive, but you can’t go outside See that girl, watch that scene, but only through a screen
Why is deadpools house always cold?
Because he keeps breaking the fourth wall
An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast
for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12-year-old bottle of whiskey. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, who exclaims,'' may the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Irish man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman, who replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''
I like my women how I like my whiskey
Strong, Irish, and at least 18 years old.
I got a job working in a hayfield…
After one day, I bailed…
My teacher says I’m pretty good at addition but I’m terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
I signed up for my company’s 401k but I have one concern
I’m not sure I can run that far
The shovel was really a ground-breaking invention.
No text found
And the winner for best neckwear goes to…
Well, would you look at that. It’s a tie.
(NSFW) I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas
It was Motherfucking Gold.
A little boy and his father visited the country store, and upon leaving the store, the owner of the store offered the little boy some free Sweets…
“grab a hand full of Sweets", the merchant said to the boy. The boy just stood there looking up at his father. The owner repeated himself:- “Son get a hand full of Sweets… it’s free.” Again the boy did not move, continuing to look up in the face of his father. Finally the father reached into the candy jar and got a hand full of Sweets and gave it to his son. As they walked back home, the father stopped and asked his son why he did not grab a hand full of the free candy. The boy with a big smile on his face looked into the face of his father and said:- "Because I know that your hand is bigger than mine".
Sharks have a party in the toilet
No text found
I dig, You dig, We dig, He dig, She dig, They dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
Dating is a lot like fishing…
Sure there's lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19
Virus has been quarantined for 14 days
New British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson
held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…
There would be mass confusion
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once." The doctor asked, "What was it like?" I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Couples therapist: So, what brings you two here today?
My wife: I can’t stand living with him. He’s too literal. Me: My truck.
I am reading a book called “The History of Lubricants.”
It’s non-friction.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."
If you slap Dwayne Johnson’s ass
You hit rock bottom