Yes it is
Three samurais compete with each other
Three samurais are sitting around a camp fire when suddenly, one boasts. "I am the world's best swordsman!" – he stands up, whips out his sword and cut a fly in half. The second samurai says,"No, I'm the best." and he sees a fly -his sword flashes twice- then the fly falls into 4 pieces. The third samurai, wanting to prove them both wrong says "Hold my sake.". He stands, slashes at a fly… and the fly continued flying. The first two samurais erupted into laughter – but the third explains "That poor fly, he can never have sex again!"
I gave my girlfriend an orgasm.
She had the nerve to spit it out on the floor.
Today my son and I walked past a gym and he said “looks like they’ve closed down.”
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
My parents say this sub will turn me into my father.
My bio says otherwise
There is a sell on Liam Neeson movie.
But, it was already Taken.
Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?
He made a grave mistake.
2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7
But the odds were against them
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock
My friend said, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!”
It was a third degree burn.
The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician….
I am unable to deal with the current situation..
Two male deer are leaving a gay bar
One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I just blew 20 bucks.”
When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
I used to be addicted to soap,
but I'm clean now.
Why did the cargo ship carrying vegetables sink?
It had too many leeks.
I once swallowed a dictionary…
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had…
My drug test came back negative..
My dealer has now got some explaining to do.
What does Yoda say when he is drunk?
Dear me it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantitiy to impair my speech
Bamboo is an invasive species in my area that spreads quickly, can take over your yard, and is very hard to get rid of.
That's why they don't call it bamhooray.
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.
Totally nailed it.
If you pronounce “fuck off” backwards.
you say it in a British accent.
“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, “You mean a choir?”
“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”
I’m starting a group for people who cannot climax.
Let me know if you cant come.
“The 24th of December is Christmas Eve”
"No it fucking isn't, Adam."
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said…
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
It makes my heart race when my girlfriend rests her head on my leg during long road trips
So now she has to sit up straight and keep her eyes on the road whenever she’s driving
What happened to the barber after he got caught on fire?
He got side burns.
An antivaxer has a heart attack. He’s rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.
Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?” The antivaxer thinks and says, “I know there must be reasons, beyond our understanding, why evil is allowed to exist. But why on Earth do you allow the evil, corrupt system of vaccines to exist?!” God shakes His head, patiently. “My child,” He says, “It is not evil to be mistaken. Which is to your benefit, because in this case, the mistake is yours. Just as so many people have tried to tell you over the years, vaccines are effective and far safer than the diseases they protect against. I give you My Word on that. Now, return, with My Peace upon you.” Suddenly, the antivaxer is staring up at the ceiling of an operating room, as his heart starts beating on its own once more. By the time he's able to receive visitors, the man is desperate to talk to his antivax friends, to let them know the vital truth he brought back from the other side. He calls them all and insisted that they be there at his side the very minute he's cleared to see anyone – he has huge, huge, HUGE news for them. Finally, his friends are gathered around him, and he motions for them to gather close. “It turns out,” he starts, “the conspiracy goes a LOT higher up than we thought…”
A Texan and a Mexican walk into a bar and order a beer
Bartender to the the Texan: That will be $5 Bartender to the Mexican: That will be $3 The Texan, upset, asks why the same beer cost less for the Mexican The Bartender replies, "Señor Discount"
“I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework.” Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, “Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?”
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
What do you call a caveman that wanders around aimlessly?
A meander-thal.