Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmation.
It was the least I could have done for him.
I was addicted to soap
But now I'm clean
You should never date someone with a lazy eye
They might be seeing someone on the side
Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall.
As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "that's a little condescending."
I was attacked by 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were against me
[SPOILER] Star Wars
https://imgur.com/lglgd2E
Did you hear about the photographer who got lost in the woods?
He died of exposure.
Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited.
Runs in the family.
If you think climate change is bad now wait until our aerosol hairspray usage goes up 5000%
https://ift.tt/2Qaa2Qp
I asked my English teacher where the last name Smith came from
"Well," he said, "in the past family names were often descriptive. People who forged iron for a living were called smiths, so that eventually led to the last name Smith." 'Is that where names likes Fisher come from too?' I asked. "Yes," he replied, "that's exactly where they come from." 'Thank-you,' I gushed, 'you're the best teacher ever Mr. Dickinson!'
When you die, which part of the body is the last one to stop working?
The pupils. They dilate
Why did the beaver suddenly quit work?
Because he hated his dam job.
Why are people with foot fetish losers?
Because they like to taste defeat.
Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.”
Me: "Efficient."
Sorry next generation, previous generation told current generation it was okay..
https://ift.tt/31VbTvZ
I don’t like Civil War jokes
I General Lee don’t find them funny
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, the other is a command.
My mom was telling dadjokes
He laughed
Why are photographers so hesitant to get into a relationship?
They're interested in developing one, but can't stop focusing on all the negatives.
Her (On Tinder): I’m a model on Instagram! What do you do?
Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the mars?
The food is great but there’s not much atmosphere.
Does this creepy lighter that I found in an antique shop today count as Boomer Humor?
https://ift.tt/37jjVAQ
Not only did someone post this on Facebook, they reposted it again. Boomer- 100
https://ift.tt/2UMcUFi