Yet another brutal murder
A mexican woman walks into a car dealership and starts looking at a car. A salesman asks if she needs any help or got any questions.
Her: Cargo space? Salesman: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Me: Make up your mind.
…. Thats the whole joke
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
It was a family album
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
4 people on a raft each have a cigarette but no way to light them. One of them throws their cigarette over board..
And the raft becomes a cigarette lighter
When I was a kid, my favourite thing ever was tractors. It was my first word, my first toy, I had posters of them on my bedroom walls and I loved to draw them too. Unfortunately with age I don’t quite have the same amount of passion nowadays. This all became relevant recently as there was this house fire on my street last week. My instincts told me to enter the house to save the family inside as the Fire Service hadn’t arrived yet. I was able to break down a door and actually clear all of the smoke from the house saving everyone inside. I escorted them out to be greeted by the Fireman who had just arrived. Puzzled, they asked how on earth I was able to clear all the smoke. I simply replied “I’m an extractor fan”.
The *For Biden* files.
PRODUCER: You mean a choir? “Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”
Because he never finished his sentences…
Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” I explained, “Because…he’s my newt!"
You don't turn your back on family
It means a lot to him
If you dont have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
If anyone says you have to work 365 days in 2020 in order to succeed, they don’t have your best interests in mind and is preaching toxic hustle culture
You need to work 366 days cause it’s a leap year
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
People were lined up for blocks
she was someone's Feyoncé
Me: Is it contagious? Doctor: Is what contagious?
No text found
and the other half are gonna come out with a drinking problem.
But he said he couldn’t help as my garden was portrait.
The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
When I asked for nuns?