Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross…
“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
Men vs gorilla
Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure. Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior? Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.' r>Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. 'See,' says the woman, 'Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't.' Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.' The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!' The woman pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now ,was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her. The woman yells: 'Mark , what do I do now? Please, help me!' Mark replies: 'Now, tell him you have a headache and you're not in mood … Let us see if Gorillas and Men are the same..
Why did it take Russia so long to invade Germany?
They were Stalin.
I recently took a pole and 100% of the people…
…were upset when their tent collapsed
I hate Russian dolls
They’re so full of themselves
Maybe ICE should go after real criminals instead of invading Sanctuary Cities?
https://ift.tt/2SLiwid
My driving examiner told me to do an emergency stop.
So I drove him to the hospital. He couldn't have been ill though, because he didn't get out.
Why do pirates love this subreddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
I consider myself to be quite a pussy magnet
Now if I can just figure out how to change the polarity.
An atheist, vegan, and cross fit athlete walk into a bar.
We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.
Ace your next code interview and flex on your coworkers with this one simple trick!
https://ift.tt/32RuVTD
Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.
And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.
Electrician gets home late…
Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"
My grandma died peacefully, 93, in the chair. Nice way to go.
The dentist shit himself, though.
WHAT DO WE WANT?! Low flying airplane noises! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!
Neeeeeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwww.
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?
She wanted the Task Manager.
On which side do chickens have the most feathers…
The outside.
That’s a nice ham you got there…
Be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.
Wife: honey I’m pregnant, we’re going to have our first kid
Husband, with tears in his eyes: Hi pregnant, I’m dad
My wife is like a newspaper…
there is a new issue every single day.
Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer
Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.
He had a sense of humour! Said his brother is Robin Yashed!
He had a sense of humour! Said his brother is Robin Yashed!
Buzz busted.
Buzz busted.
Is there fall damage? Let’s find out.
Is there fall damage? Let’s find out.
I just caught my son googling porn web sites, and I’m completely heartbroken.
We are strictly a Bing family.
When I first saw an universal remote control…
I thought to myself: "Well… This changes everything"
I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help
But I stand corrected.