Yoda is wise

I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…"

Virgin Mobile.

https://i.redd.it/q7jnircmftq41.jpg

I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”

I have some breaking news for her.

they were cooked in grease

It was the father, son, and the goalie host.

He looks at his sasquatch. ​ I made this up at work. It's a dad-joke for sure. I googled it and found no record of it. ​ What do I win?

The results speak for themselves!

and on the other, your left.

Because he’s got little legs

She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,………. Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.” “Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!”, he exclaimed. “ Good”, she replied. …………… “Get your own f***ing blanket.” After a moment of silence, …………………… he farted.

Your spine

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other. Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?" Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

Christian bail

"Five beers please."

Disclaimer: This joke involves gender-based humour and don't actually reflect the my viewpoint about either gender. ​ So there was this billionare, very sucessful enterpreneur, that decided to invest a large chunk of his funds in a new business: The Husband Shop The Husband Shop is a 6-floor building, each containing an assortment of husbands bearing more or less the same characteristics, however the next floor has a costier but better selection. So, this Lady goes to visit the shop and she sees this at the first floor: "At The Husband Shop we strive to present to you the very best in man. This Floor has 100% loyal men". Quite pleased with what she sees, she goes to the next one and it says: "This Floor 100% loyal men and they are very handsome!". She investigates further, and on the third floor she sees: "This floor has 100% loyal men, and they are handsome and romantic!" On the fourth floor she finds: "This floor has 100% loyal men, which are also very handsome, romantic and great with kids!" The fifth floor had the following: "This floor has 100% loyal men, all of them are very handsome, romantic, great with kids and they'll rock your world in the bed every time!" She was absolutely amazed by what they had put together, and she knew they had the best for last, so she found this: ​ "Congratulations! You are the 4,986,221th visitor this year! Sorry, there are no husbands in this floor. We regret to inform we abandoned "The Husband Shop" development as we realized women were nearly impossible to please". ————————————————— BONUS JOKE ​ In order to appeal to both genders (and alleviate the uproar of sexism accusations), the billionare made "The Wife Shop", and they put a lot more effort this time around. Since the other business became so famous because of the unusual service, a reporter did some digging, and he came back with this: "Upon arriving 'The Wife Shop', or TWS, the costumer is immediatly greeted by an employee that will explain the concept of the business and will acompany Him or Her through the floors, in the same method they used on The Husband Shop. The First Floor says: Welcome to The Wife Shop! We keep our promise to strive for excellency, but this time it's all about finding you your perfect wife! This floor has the most gourgeous women you'll ever find. The second floor says: "This floor has absolutely gorgeous women and they are all incredible in the bedroom. The 4 remaining floors are yet to be visited".

[removed]

Me: I fucked your sister

They said if i didn't pay it back on time i'd be repossessed

When it's clearly a word!

Igloo it back together again.

ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀

It went back for seconds

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Thanks.

Gingerly.

Male forwarding

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense. In a religion that person is dead.

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

Your under a vest

Men just go for higher paying jobs like doctor, CEO, lawyer ect. Where as women pick lower paying jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, and female CEO

He said I have to start paying in advance

One's a Corona Virus the other is a Verona Crisis.