You just don’t understand
All the fans left
I can still drink from the bottle.
then I see why they call you handsome!
I never get included in anything either.
Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it.
It can write other words too.
It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her. I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
I’m surprised that 'Call 911' didn’t make the cut.
I'd have $7.20 right now.
Her: It’s really difficult to live with him. He is so literal. Me: My truck.
it had a bad pilot
Everyone gets it.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and his girlfriend meets him at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!” she says. The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are already seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and Whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.” The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a Pharmacist.”
They don’t give shots to babies.
It was the least I could have done for him.
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Is time travel possible?
…and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one-believe me, I've counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn't count to ten. Well, I'm beating all of those people in the polls. We're gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you – let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!"
A synonym roll…
I guess we'll know when the time comes.
but the punchline doesn't fit, its from another Tupperware joke
But, as a man, I'm just a bit better at it.
Me: That’s a…..novel idea.
I know multiple tricks, and I’m not a pony
But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
He said, “Now who is being presumptuous?”
Sorry just practicing
he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
But, it’s snot
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
Waist of time.
Beer nuts are $1.30 deer nuts are under a buck