You know Jimmy? That French shrimp who loves playing basketball? I heard he’s famous now
The Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
In the end I decided to let him go. However, I still hold The Grudge.
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
It was a bit boring.
is it parishable?
I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was ‘thanks’…
"Where?" "No. Just the regular kind."
For Hispanic Attacks.
"2 or 3" she replied. That probably explains why her marriage failed.
Now he's retired.
Everyone in the KKK looks the same to me…
He's calling it "That's what Xi said"
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." "What I want you to do…" the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"
Woman: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Man: Aww….! Are you single? Woman: No, I am a Dentist.
He said there was a vas deferens.
But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
With great power comes great electricity bills
The horse replies "You read my mind buddy!"
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
Sorry, I can't tell you.
The serial killer might listen if you plead with them
Put it on my bill!!
"I Still Love Easter BABY!"