You know your dad has had one too many when
He stops turning the lights off in empty rooms
He leaves the front door unlocked past 4pm
The lines where he's mown the lawn look like a bowl of noodles
When his favorite hat falls and touches the ground, he acts like it was no big deal
When you ask for money he doesn't treat it like a cross examination at a war crimes tribunal
His dance moves suddenly triple in number
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold! Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Through the Dumbell door
but now it's just water under the fridge.
…if you haven’t botany
He wrote poultry for her.
“How long do you have to do that for?” I asked. “When is he too old for it?” “Well, it’s a physical bond between a mother and her child isn’t it? It’s only the society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age.” “Yeah, shut up Joe – I was talking to your mother.”
Because it's cheaper.
None, he fell off.
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained. “Didn’t you hear me? Go forth and multiply!” Said Noah, annoyed. “We can’t” replied one of the snakes. “We’re adders”.
He just came out of the closet.
The look on his face was priceless.
I must say I would've enjoyed it more if she had no penis at all
Because they can’t keep a straight face.
It sort of rolls off the tongue
free of charge.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
A garbage truck.
To start I post this here because it’s the only place I could find that would have a hight scientist reader base an not required required it to be a scientific paper but here we goThey are safer that standard lab coats as the protect more of the bodyThey are more sanitary! minimising contact between your clothing and possible pathogens as well as chemicalsThey look 100% cooler, lab coats are cool but the Howie pattern is fuckin awesome, it also looks way more sci-fi, and if we’re gonna be living in the future might as well look it
Because you pull the Bonaparte.
He’ll be born in March.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot.”
Those are the pie rates of the car I be in. (I married two old jokes together, I hope that’s ok)
I showed my Indian friend and he said "I can't believe it's not Buddha".
Because he’s got little legs.
Those who understand Binary and those who don't.
My dad said they’re wiped out
Look, no hands!
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy…
Where's pop corn?
He orders a bear.