You need a crown [OC]
They’re always watching.
He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
A vindow viper
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife
"I won't be coming today," I said. "My legs aren't working properly." "What kind of excuse is that?" He asked. I replied, "A lame excuse."
One boy says to the other, “is this whiskey?” The other boy replies, “yes, but not as whiskey as wobbin a bank.”
Girl: Hehe sure baby Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself
A driving teacher asks his student “There are 2 people standing on the road, your mother and your wife. What do you hit?”
Student: "My wife" DT: "For the 3rd time, you'll hit the brakes!"
You look for fresh prints
19 and easy to spread
He laughs at them sometimes
They have many fans.
It got toad.
…need to take a good long look at themselves.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Plagiarism. I just made up that word.
Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do? Miner: Mine
My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it’s like for a selfless guy to go down on them.
It just gives us some scents of perp puss.
I woke up exhausted
Everywhere. Edit: Whoa thanks for the toilet seat.
This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?”
I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."
I said, "No, wait! I can change."