You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer.
Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
I would’ve told you a joke about infinity…
But I don't think there's an end to it.
I don’t often tell Dad jokes.
But when I do, he laughs.
What do you call 2 fat goths?
Morbidly obese. I know I shouldnt joke about obese people they've got enough on their plate.
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants
I was going to make a depressing joke.
But my parents already made one.
My penis may not be 12 inches
….but it smells like a foot.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But none of them work
THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD…
How bad is it you ask? So bad, THAT…. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally… I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
I’ve recently been asking people what LGBTQ means
No ones been able to give me a straight answer yet
6 months ago a man stumbles across a genies bottle and is granted three wishes
He tells the genie "I am a simple man. All I wish for is to spend more time with my family, have a shorter commute and a case of Corona"
I discovered red crayons in my girlfriends nurse uniform.
She said it's in case she has to draw blood.
(: ¡¡ʇɥƃᴉN pooפ
Love, Australia.
I had a hen who could count her own eggs
She was a mathamachicken
Says one spice to another
"Seasoned Greetings"
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.
Or as my doctor insists on calling it, a colonoscopy
When you develop a browser extension that is not scalable enough to handle 1,400 tabs!
https://ift.tt/33SC4VL
What’s the best time of day?
6:30. Hands down.
If you boil a funny bone
It becomes a laughing stock
A police officer says to a couple: “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire”.
They ask "Arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
I don’t get why people hate necromancers so much.
Can’t a guy just raise a family in peace?
I come to this sub when I’m on the toilet.
Just for shits and giggles.
Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19
Virus has been quarantined for 14 days
What do call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.
Those kniving bastards.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be a mass confusion
What’s the best way to overcome depression?
Love it, so it leaves you as well.
Why is “Dark” spelled with a K, and not a C ?
Because you can’t C in the dark.
Was searching for calculator project in github. Saw this. It belongs to here.
https://ift.tt/34G8X7p
Did you hear about the steer that ate a stick of dynamite?
It was abominable!