These two guys at the golf course were talking about their blood sugar levels, while they prepared for their opening shots.
Silence fell as they put their stands in the grass, and when I looked closer at these stands I saw the design of them. Yellow and black, with wings attached to the sides. "Those stands are hideous," I said out loud, but neither of them heard me. I think they had dire bee tees.
it’s not stroganoff.
It was a little pail…… 😁
Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left? Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun. Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think. Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married? Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.” Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
She was seeing someone else.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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That I revealed cheat notes from a calculus test from 1972
2B or not 2B
She said it's in case she has to draw blood.
I told my daughter, “Mom keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character and it’s getting really annoying!” She asked, “Are you mad at her?”
“Geez! Don’t you start too!” I screamed.
I avoid meet.
Nothing, they're already stuffed…
Shawn: "Yawn." Shaun: "Yaun." Sean: "Yean."
Man: AND ?
Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.
None. They only talk about change.
The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. That’s where I draw the line.
His name is Rick O’Shea.
He sees a cute girl sitting at the bar and sits down near her. About an hour later he finally comes up to her and quietly asks her: -Excuse me miss, could I buy you a drink? The girl screams: -No! I am NOT having sex with you!! Everyone at the bar turns and stares at him. Humiliated, he walks away. A few minutes later the girl walks up to him and says: -I'm sorry I embarrassed you. See, I am a psychology student and I am observing human behavior in uncomfortable situations. The man turns and yells: -What do you mean for $200?!
The king offered him a free palace stein
Guardians of the Galaxy.
"Can't I just finish the bar I was making for my house?" "No, that would be counter-productive."
But oral sex? That's just a matter of taste.
it's where I flip your MOM over
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's been having an affair with Bob the milkman." "What!?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" "That's right," says the first guy. "Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the milkman want to fuck that?"
You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve…
TIL: A recent study found that the newest strain of head lice is resistant to conventional treatment.
That left scientists scratching their heads.
I thought that was a really odd way to start a conversation with me.
I guess you can say they own a monopoly.