young person dumb haha
Why is giving blood easy in Taiwan?
Because everyone is Taipei.
A sin no mortal dares to commit
I was born with two kidneys,
Now I've got two adult knees.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Education bad, being in debt good
How backenders deliver API
The economy is doing great
Go back to … Oooops
You better do
I tripped over my girlfriends bra
seemed to be a booby trap.
My ex-girlfriend used to beat me with stringed instruments.
I didn’t know she had a history with Violins.
Do you know the English programming language?
Esp. when they charge by the hour
A teenage girl was getting frisky with her boyfriend…
At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "…I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"
A Danger to Themselves and Others
Valentine’s Day Boomer
pin it on the dopamine
Orion’s Belt is a huge waist of space.
No text found
My bedroom light just went out.
I have no idea where it's going.
Do you know how ISIS elevator works?
You press the button and six floors come down.
What’s a decent Asian stereotype?
I like Sony and Yamaha.
How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?
Why must it be a group activity?
And that’s the truth …
Real programmer use Linux
An excited Muslim comes to heaven’s gates.
He asks saint Peter: "I'd like to see Mohammed. Do you know where he is?" "Mohammed? He's not here. I'm just the gatekeeper. You'll need to go higher." And so the Muslim enters. He sees Mary the god bearer sitting on a bench. "Excuse me. Do you know where I could find Mohammed?" "Mohammed? I think he's at work. You'll need to go higher." Having ascended all the way to the top, he sees Jesus standing before him. "Christ, highest of prophets. I'm looking for Mohammed. Please show me the way." "Mohammed you say? You'll need to go higher." Saying that, Jesus rises his hand and a stairway appears. Thankful, the Muslim goes up the long steps. Suddenly, he finds himself in what looks like an office. God, radiating with divine light, welcomes him. "What do you seek?" "Can I see Mohammed?" "Of course but why the rush. Come. Sit down. Would you like a coffee?" "Yes please." "Mohammed! Two coffees please"
Guys stop harassing u/nwordcountbot
There’s more, I swear.
It’s only Blockchain if…
Another one from my English book
A man walks into a bar…
then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says “you’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who pissed in your sax!”
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
Mendeleev is the hero we didn’t deserve, but the hero we needed..
No wonder I don’t have access to production
There are to many of them
Security professionals advise to never use ‘beef stew’ as a password
It isn’t stroganoff
A redneck wrestler
has beaten every opponent he's been up against and is now going international. Before the match against the Russian champion, his coach sits him down. "Now, look, you're faster and more agile than this guy. He's big and strong, but just keep moving and let him tire himself out and you can beat him." "Got it, coach," says the wrestler. "One more thing," says the coach. "He's got this hold called the Pretzel Hold that no one has ever escaped from. Whatever happens, don't let him get you in the Pretzel Hold cause then it's all over." "Got it, coach," says the wrestler. "Stay out of the Pretzel Hold." The match starts and in five seconds the redneck is in the Pretzel Hold. A groan goes up from the American spectators and the coach buries his face in his hands, unable to watch. Suddenly, there's a tremendous yell and a thump from the mat and the crowd bursts into cheers and applause. The coach looks up and sees the Russian out cold on the mat and the redneck standing over him. Before he can get up into the ring the crowd rushes in and hoists the redneck into the air, celebrating his victory. Half an hour later, the coach and the redneck are alone and able to talk. "What happened out there?" asks the coach. "I mean, one second you're in the hold, and next thing I know, you've won. How?" "Well," says the redneck, "I don't know how he got me in the hold so fast, but once I was in it, I was pretty much unable to move anything but my head. So, I looked up, and there was a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. So, I did the only thing I could do. I craned my neck forward and bit fown." "Ah, so that's how you beat him?" said the coach. "Not exactly," said the wrestler. "You'd be surprised how much strength you have when you've just bitten down on your own testicles."
Why doesn’t Kim Jong Un have a girlfriend?
Because he's too focused on his Korea.
Must be hard on the neck
AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and NVIDIA employees infront of FANBOYS!
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
'Bout tree fellers.
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.
Food Pictures bad
Why isn’t PI fun at parties?
He just goes on forever
Say hello to your new overlord, the Great NVIDIA Installer
The janitor of my apartment building asked if I wanted to smoke some weed with her
I told her no. I can't stand high maintenance women.
Euler had died after seeing this
My son asked me what an updog was.
I told him it was an older version of a henway. “What’s a henway?” My son asked. “About 5 pounds” I replied.
I put LEDs on her engagement ring
Her face lit up when I proposed
An 18-wheeler filled with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway today.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
Why can’t Kylie Jenner ever see her dad?
Luna is still a latin word for moon, so still counts
What is the sheeps favorite movie?
Baaaaaack to the future
Justice is a dish best served cold
If it were served warm it would be justwater
I’ve opened up a restaurant called “Karma”
There is no menu, you get what you deserve.
Chinese / Thai family
When your project had 300+ bugs, but insted of correcting them you make 300+ workarounds
Why do you exist? 🙄
My (Swedish) grandfather told me this joke
A Swedish immigrant finally arrives at Ellis Island after days at sea, and with only $15 in his pocket. He's eager to get a job, find a place to live, and start his new life in America, but after such a long and hard journey, his first stop is to get a drink to unwind! He walks into the first pub he sees and is greeted by the bartender. The bartender says, "Hey there, what can I do you for?" The Swede, eager to take his English for a spin in this new country, orders his favorite drink: "I'll take a yin, please!" The bartender grows visibly upset. "Yin? Yin?! What the hell is that? You're another one o' them lousy immigrants coming through that don't know no good English. Get outta here and don't come back till you can order a drink proper!" The Swede leaves, feeling distraught, and instead finds work and lodging, putting the drink aside for now. Every night when he returns home from work, he practices his English in the mirror. "Yin. Yin. Yyy…inn. Jyinn. Jjjiiinn. Gyiin. Giin. Gin. Gin! Gin! GIN!" After weeks of practice, he's ready. The Swede goes back to that same bar he entered when he first arrived in America. The bar tender recognizes him immediately. "Hey, it's you again!" he yells. "I thought I told you to–" But the Swede raises a hand and calmly interrupts. "Yes, I know. I would like to order a gin, please." The bar tender is speechless! A smile grows on his face, and he says, "well, would you look at that? You've learned quite a bit! Alright, I'll get you that gin, sure thing. What would you like it with?" The Swede answers, "yinyerale!"
Hopefully I’m the first to post this
Give ‘em the punchline first!
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
What Fish work in hospitals?
Mom! I need you!
Had this dumb idea (made by me)
A soldier ran up to a nun.
Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."