Just kidding, Redditors don’t socialize
They each got six months.
Because they can go from Dayton to Marion in less than two hours.
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Because you can’t C in the dark.
Door opens and a beautiful young woman sits into their compartment. After a bit, while crossing her legs, the woman accidentally farts. She goes red to the tip of her hair so the Englishman gets up and says: "My apologies, madam, gentlemen, my lunch disagrees with me" After a while, the woman accidentally farts again. The Frenchman shoots up like a rocket and says: "Gentlemen, please excuse me, my lunch disagrees with me". Then the russian gets up and says: "I'm going out for a fag, if that bitch shits herself – it was me".
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Mom: You want to be a WHAT? Daughter: Prostitute. Mom: Oh thank God. I thought you said Protestant.
An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were discussing the wonderful screams that passion can evoke . . . The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for two minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special perfumed aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for three minutes." The Englishman said: "That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
You can only ran, because it's past tents
I told her this way, she won’t have any grounds for divorce. Now give me my 7 upvotes
It was the least I could have done for him.
Chicken, vegetable, and beef. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time.
I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
It's my new year's resolution.
…but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says, "Make them all ugly again!"
You can hide but you can't run.
So now we use lube
It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
It was here a minute ago
Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad. Wife: What are you thinking? Me: Business casual.
That priest is in prison now
I have selfish steam issues.
It was an autobiography…
When the punchline is a parent
A trip without the kids.
Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two
at the ol factory
You are not alone
A private tooter.
At ten feet I told the the joke and everyone laughed. At twenty feet, same result. At fifty feet no one heard me…
Guess I went a little too far with that joke.
Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
I can't put it down