I can't make it stop but i can help them rise above it. The other day i said to them, “Look, boys…”
On the other hand, everything is OK
He's being smog
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it. A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.
I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.
The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.
But theres too many drawbacks
One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn’t have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes. “Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.” “I can certainly try, for my best friend.” Later that Wednesday night, Jack passed away. Thursday night, Sam is asleep in bed, when all of the sudden Jacks spirit appears in front of him. “AHHHH! Who are you?” “Calm down, calm down. It’s me Jack.” “Good hell, you scared me half to death.” “It’s ok, but I’ve come with good news and bad news.” “Well, what’s the good news then?” pondered Sam. “There is baseball in heaven.” “Thank goodness,” said Sam, feeling wonderful, “but what’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching Tuesday.”
Business is really surgeon.
Neither have eye
I love being a music teacher.
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
It's for a work email so it needs to sound professional.
Except Chris Brown
Times are rough.
Especially because he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up.
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
Thanks daylight savings!
They just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
Boy: A chair, haha, nice try gran- Grandpa – it's your dog. He's dead Jimmy.
They both get stoned after sex
One, because men can be feminists too.
I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again
Boss said it was because I had no filter
It was bread in captivity.
The bartender asks "How the hell did you do that ?"
I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone. That was nice of them to say.
Now you know who the best people are